#405;
I didn't cry. I don't know how I feel. Somehow I feel kind of stoic, kind of heartless, and kind of...weird.
But talking to tanwenyun and pohginteng last night kind of reassured me that I wasn't the only strange one. So thanks so much, the both of you (:
I don't know why it hasn't hit me fully yet, my emotions are pretty laggy this year and it's quite irritating because it feels like another weekend is here and next monday I'll return back to school to find the blue nametag-ed people wearing their school uniform and back to school with me as well, it's like they haven't left. It doesn't feel right to me. In fact that's utter rubbish, because for some of the sec4s'09, I'll probably never see them again.
Farewell was unbelievably calm, and I think nobody cried at all, unlike last year. tanwenyun if you're reading this, I miss you a lot too, and don't blame yourself for the speech alright because I think we understand how it feels like trying to say your proper last words and then having your brain clogged up with so many things to say that everything gets jammed and eventually you end up with afterthoughts. so don't blame yourself <3>
(Actually as I'm typing this post I'm already beginning to type and backspace and delete and type and backspace and delete; it's such an irritating feeling urgh)
I miss everybody already. Yesterday when I was reading all the farewell notes, it dawned on me how much we've been through together, and how much I'd miss next year. I wish 2009 could just start all over again. I wish the same for rgco, 311, and rgspb. But it's not going to happen and I must snap out of this soon. I wish the tears would flow out, because then I'd be able to release rather than everything being bottled up inside. But no, nothing's coming out and though I try to force it out, still the tears refuse to flow. I am majorly irritated.
But it hurts to remember that the seniors are going to leave anyway, regardless of how much I wish and hope and pray, and eventually I would rather they leave (for their own good) because come on, our seniors have their future too (: though it's really sad for them to leave and the thought of never seeing some of them again gnaws at me, I'd want them to graduate, get to JC, get to their uni, and do well in life too right?
But ohman, my dear seniors ):
arghhhhhhhhh ):
I'll really really miss you guys and all your antics, and your familiar voices and laughter and whatnot. PLEASE COME BACK AND KAYPOH US. (:
And since I'm going to be xianyue SL, I don't know if any of my xianyue seniors are reading this, but I'd like to say:
Don't worry, I will definitely try my best to lead xianyue and bring xianyue to greater heights, I'll work hard with my batch and koshae dear as well, and we will have each other to lean on in times of difficulty, don't worry I will not take it all out on myself. When you guys next come back to visit xianyue/rgco, you guys will look at the little juniors you guys once pracced with and say WOW at how much they've improved, and you guys must come for concert 2010 (: yifei shiyun wenyi claudia izabel zhengxi zhangjie qianru danna wangjun xueke junnan gillian, I love you guys.
On another note, I hope we'll know soon soon soon if mr l and mr y are gonna be 411 FTs next year, petition petition petition!! (: sheesh it already feels weird typing '411' instead of '311'. But I guess it's a normal transition... like at the start of this year I kept writing the year as 2008, not 2009...
But since now 2009 is almost over, I'll cherish whatever's left of it. Not that there's very much left anyway, but I am going to think that every day left of 2009 matters, because they really do. I have much to think about, much to prepare for, and many emotions to handle, before I can claim that I'm ready for sec4 and whatever is to come.
But whatever it is (I realised this is the 4th paragraph I'm starting with the word 'but', oh how conflicted I am...) I must say here and now, that
I LOVE YOU BATCH 2009.
and dearest batch 2010, we'll live the legacy hand in hand, so that we can look back and smile in the end.
//I have nothing else coming to my mind as afterthoughts, finally.