#406;
because of a sudden blast of new determination, this shall be the last post until 14th dec is over. unless I decide to be a loser. and tag replies will come... by the end of this year hoho.
you never asked what was wrong
not a single "it's alright"
but then when the winds blow strong
and all goes haywire
and i'm trying to hold on tight,
you tell me that i'm wrong
I just realised, more clearly than ever, what a fine line there is to everything. Geniuses are one step from idiots. Disciplinarians one step from tyrants. Love one step from a waste of time. Exasperation one step from hatred. And today as I was walking along the cobbled paths I was thinking, who am I to tell others (including my dad) to see things from a different, more positive light, when in actual fact I myself can't. It's somewhat like the half-full/ half empty glass of water philosophy, it's actually kind of true that life is like a glass of water. Fragile, delicate, transparent. I guess when the glass still has half the original amount of water in it, it doesn't seem too bad. Occasionally mood swings drive our attention to the empty part of the glass, otherwise mostly we see that it is half full, rather than half empty. It is half full anyway. But when we have one-third the water left, or even down to our last drop, when we've been depleted of all hope and drive, I'd like to see who actually says "the glass is one-sixth full" instead of "the glass is almost empty". Sure, there is some water left, but how much? And how long will it last?
And so, how long can I last?
#405;
I didn't cry. I don't know how I feel. Somehow I feel kind of stoic, kind of heartless, and kind of...weird.
But talking to tanwenyun and pohginteng last night kind of reassured me that I wasn't the only strange one. So thanks so much, the both of you (:
I don't know why it hasn't hit me fully yet, my emotions are pretty laggy this year and it's quite irritating because it feels like another weekend is here and next monday I'll return back to school to find the blue nametag-ed people wearing their school uniform and back to school with me as well, it's like they haven't left. It doesn't feel right to me. In fact that's utter rubbish, because for some of the sec4s'09, I'll probably never see them again.
Farewell was unbelievably calm, and I think nobody cried at all, unlike last year. tanwenyun if you're reading this, I miss you a lot too, and don't blame yourself for the speech alright because I think we understand how it feels like trying to say your proper last words and then having your brain clogged up with so many things to say that everything gets jammed and eventually you end up with afterthoughts. so don't blame yourself <3>
(Actually as I'm typing this post I'm already beginning to type and backspace and delete and type and backspace and delete; it's such an irritating feeling urgh)
I miss everybody already. Yesterday when I was reading all the farewell notes, it dawned on me how much we've been through together, and how much I'd miss next year. I wish 2009 could just start all over again. I wish the same for rgco, 311, and rgspb. But it's not going to happen and I must snap out of this soon. I wish the tears would flow out, because then I'd be able to release rather than everything being bottled up inside. But no, nothing's coming out and though I try to force it out, still the tears refuse to flow. I am majorly irritated.
But it hurts to remember that the seniors are going to leave anyway, regardless of how much I wish and hope and pray, and eventually I would rather they leave (for their own good) because come on, our seniors have their future too (: though it's really sad for them to leave and the thought of never seeing some of them again gnaws at me, I'd want them to graduate, get to JC, get to their uni, and do well in life too right?
But ohman, my dear seniors ):
arghhhhhhhhh ):
I'll really really miss you guys and all your antics, and your familiar voices and laughter and whatnot. PLEASE COME BACK AND KAYPOH US. (:
And since I'm going to be xianyue SL, I don't know if any of my xianyue seniors are reading this, but I'd like to say:
Don't worry, I will definitely try my best to lead xianyue and bring xianyue to greater heights, I'll work hard with my batch and koshae dear as well, and we will have each other to lean on in times of difficulty, don't worry I will not take it all out on myself. When you guys next come back to visit xianyue/rgco, you guys will look at the little juniors you guys once pracced with and say WOW at how much they've improved, and you guys must come for concert 2010 (: yifei shiyun wenyi claudia izabel zhengxi zhangjie qianru danna wangjun xueke junnan gillian, I love you guys.
On another note, I hope we'll know soon soon soon if mr l and mr y are gonna be 411 FTs next year, petition petition petition!! (: sheesh it already feels weird typing '411' instead of '311'. But I guess it's a normal transition... like at the start of this year I kept writing the year as 2008, not 2009...
But since now 2009 is almost over, I'll cherish whatever's left of it. Not that there's very much left anyway, but I am going to think that every day left of 2009 matters, because they really do. I have much to think about, much to prepare for, and many emotions to handle, before I can claim that I'm ready for sec4 and whatever is to come.
But whatever it is (I realised this is the 4th paragraph I'm starting with the word 'but', oh how conflicted I am...) I must say here and now, that
I LOVE YOU BATCH 2009.
and dearest batch 2010, we'll live the legacy hand in hand, so that we can look back and smile in the end.
//I have nothing else coming to my mind as afterthoughts, finally.
#404;
I guess the sec4s are still having a whale of a time in fam now hahaha, cool lah everyone turns into a woman today -.- okay not like they weren't women but, AIYAH YOU GEDDIT RIGHT.
tomorrow's rgco farewell.
i'm having an entirely different feeling from last year's farewell. and, i know why.
of course, you would say, next year i'd be sec4, that's why feeling different! DUH! but i don't know, it's a weird sort of different. a sort of .. not knowing what is to come, or insecurity, or haven't-sunk-in-yet kind of different; it somehow doesn't HIT ME WITH THE FULL BLOW, that next year, my batch wouldn't have any safety nets anymore.
i think, maybe, that realisation is to be saved for tomorrow.
on a side note, i am very proud of my little sec one juniors because all it took was a single email, and everyone, everyone, everyone came for sectional lunch (: every single one of them omg, i wasn't expecting full attendance!! i love you guys man (:
and jiayou to all taking kaoji, haha even though the number of people taking kaoji kind of diminished (coughcough), i'm still gonna make sure you guys can play for huibao >D EAGER ANTICIPATION YEAH? >D -insert evil cackling-
back to farewell...
i still haven't finished my farewell notes, in fact i've only written 2. i'll finish them tomorrow by hook or by crook. and i owe shiyun moeco scores which i'll photocopy tmr too xD oh and thanks for the photocopy card shiyun! :D i'll use it to photocopy your beloved scores haha.
i must say, i've kind of been forced to get used to pracs without sec4s, and even though pracs now aren't all that bad, i really miss the days when all i had to worry about was how to improve my playing. it feels great contributing to a group of people i love of course, but i guess there's a reason why everyone occasionally wishes to return to innocence? haha if you're expecting a paragraph-long ranting about my problems then uh sorry i'll have to disappoint you xD WHOOPS. i can say that it gets tiring at times, maybe a happy sort of tired, a disappointed sort of tired, but my emotions after xiaozu/dazu are actually dictated by me...
i've decided that my rgco life is like an upright curve, though there's an extremely low point, the number of high points is greater, and though rgco brings me many tears and fears, sometimes more tears than laughter, i still think (and will always believe) that the tears are worth it. and it's always good to be a rubber ball, bouncing up after every low. i will learn.
after all, there are such things called happy tears. (:
AND POHGINTENG, I WILL NOT LOSE MY BET (:
#403;
So many things have happened in the span of a few days (including PB IF'09 which I came home from not long, yay great job foveo (: ) I feel kind of tired and woozy and it's a whole mixture of feelings.
I miss school ): maybe some of you (or perhaps, most of you sheesh) can't identify at all with me, but yes I really miss school cos it's where I get most of my happiness from, be it from meeting people, talking nonsense with people or simply being around people. I'm kind of a "people person" :D but yeah, I miss being around so many people, and I miss seeing and talking to so many people too. Glad that I don't have to miss rgco cos there's prac going on (:D :D :D) otherwise i'll just fall dead please. But I miss 311, the whole of 311 haha, we're gonna be 411 soon lah scary can.
Some people run away just to see if anyone will follow...
wonder if we can call that escapist? but it's escaping from the rigor of life to get some much appreciated reassurance?
whatever it is, i feel blessed that there are people willing to be my pillars, i think ((:
and to you, thanks much.
I really hate to type this down and i thought i wouldn't, but
i really thought that you would at least say thank you.
(not referring to you, even though you probably won't see this.)
gosh i should stop using ambiguous pronouns right.
#402;
school's out.
but that's not the main point of this post yeah.
ARTS FEST WAS AWESOME (:
everyone did really well, and the musical was actually very professional and awesome. well done rgco for our item hahaha, and koh and chengchen too! I think we improved a lot from the rehearsals really, and all that praccing didn't go to waste (: I think nanny and vian will agree with me that the dizi juniors are super, uh, cute and hyper. yeah. -coughcough- and talkative too lol haha. But yes, had a lot a lot of fun in the dressing rooms with rgco (: we talked crap and turned the room into a gambling den. sue jean brought 3 packs of cards o___O like omg lah not bad. but yes, we had quite a lot of fun, except sometimes when we had to wait super long for the finale which took place after the more than 1hr long musical. but yeah the finale was really nice and warm (: I LOVE AMIGOS PARA SIEMPRE!
ohoh to all those returning to china, HAVE FUN! :D
ooh and thank you mr xu and ms loo for trying to conduct our finale haha, light sticks FTW!
Oh yes and I took 13208756349271561350 photos. credits to vivianlian's and nanny's cameras xD but yes, A LOT of photos. but it was fun camwhoring on a high :D wheee and we took with ms khoo, chenls, mrs mohd and mr lee :D but aiyah didn't manage to get mr xu and ms loo ):
ahh and I have to mention the pascoe vale busking :D omgosh the pascoe vale people are like scarily pro *_* we were all like speechless watching them and sheryl and I were like "ohman we don't want to perform alreadyyyy we pale so much in comparison" hahaha. but yes it was fun :D the rehearsals together were fun too :D the instructors were super cool and hilarious and nice (: I played the violin together with a few other people and sheryl too, and the violin teacher was super pro omggg and yes super funny too haha he kept making hilarious remarks -.- he called me the boss .__. but nevermind not the main point haha, enjoyed myself yay (:
and we took a group PHOTO too HAHAHA SO MANY PHOTOS
oh and after that ms loo was so nice to allow vian sheryl and me to _____in the choir room :D hohoho fill in the blanks :D
on a random note I still have my lightsticks from the previous two nights (: and I have a couple of unused ones because I chucked them into my bag before chionging out for finale, and unknowingly carried them home ._. BUT OOH YAY LIGHTSTICKS FTW~
sigh competition prep is tiring and I won't bother counting the number of hours I put in, but ohwell I will work hard and I hope everything doesn't go to naught
sheesh on another very random note, I wonder why even when I'm very, very, very tired like last night (after 5 hours of sleep the previous night and a full 19hours awake yesterday) and really really really need more sleep, the latest I wake up is 7.30. IT SEEMS LIKE IT'S SO VERY BRIGHT BUT OHNO WHEN I STARE AT THE CLOCK I GO HUH.
okay enough rambling, shall go back to the keyboard goodbye.
#401;
I’m amazed at myself sometimes really.
I opened the email which very obviously told me I didn’t get into WSC, and oh I didn’t feel anything for the next 2 hours or so haha, meaning now I feel slightly disappointed. But I’m really fine about it. Maybe it’s a blessing in disguise, because next year’s gonna be hectic, especially the days leading up to june, what with LR and concert (<3>) and comp and all, so perhaps this is fate telling me NO, YOU CANNOT HAVE THIS in order to save my life.
If so, I’m actually thankful.
Arts fest is really soon, I actually feel quite excited and I don’t know why.
Hope everything actually goes alright (:
Had handover gm today, before rushing to Pascoe vale workshop just in time to say thank you and goodbye to the instructors ): but I promise I’ll be there tomorrow :D and sorry mr xu ohman, but thank you for being so nice about it D:
Handover gm was… well.. touching. We sang board songs after like ten years. I actually remembered the lyrics (: Fior gave us many words of advice, about stepping up, being together as a batch and not excluding anyone… ah I think I’ll really really miss Fior very much when they do leave ): they’re such awesome seniors (x
And yes I love you Fedele and we shall step up and become old grandmamas :D
Which reminds me, during board awards presentation, I almost introduced myself as jiaying instead of my own name, which I got suanned very badly for after that -.- but haha whatever omg, I think aliens have damaged my brains
And here I shall say a BIG THANK YOU TO LIM JIA YING who has been super ultra patient with me and my antics while preparing for board awards :D thank you yay :D
Anyway the Pascoe vale thingum seemed very very cool! I’m so gonna play the violin :D ahh yay violin I miss playing it properly for like hours (: viv’s learning the guitar though. Aiyah don’t know lah. Maybe I should learn guitar. Ahh well violin’s easier for me though :/ eeep decide tomorrow.
OH I GOT THE MEP PHOTOS :D (oh and the wonderful 311 class photos and syf photos too <3>) they look pretty. Informal was…interesting because mr xu lay on the ground (whooohoooo like mr lee did for netcarn!) lol. And pink tie too hahaha, though it’s less luminous than ’08 LIME green tie omgosh. But ah well ms khoo and ms loo (and I :D) look very happy in the photo too so yay (:
Haiyoh I still can’t believe that school ends this week, so weird!!!!!
And anyway well done sec4s for surviving O levels manz well done (:
THIS POST IS SO DISJOINTED I CAN’T STAND IT URGH
Okay nevermind I shall guai-ly go snooze now.
OH YES XIANYUE PEOPLE, ORDER RGCO JACKET :D
PRETTINESS GUARANTEED :D
I think you see what I mean when I say this post is disjointed. Buhbyes.
//edit: thank you for your “hug” I don’t know why but it meant quite a bit. (: //
#400 (how time flies.)
Farewell assembly was yesterday, and I was actually remarkably calm throughout the whole ceremony thing. You might think it's not a big deal to stay calm but yeah if you know what I did the same time last year you'd applaud me HAHA.
I think the sense of loss will come soon.
Class party was one moment when I wanted to stop time.
First we started off with the class video done by xinyuan (omg thank you so much) which brought us back again to OBS and all the silly silly photos we took over the year, reminded us of all sorts of toot things we did (HAHA PINAFORE, I think xinyuan put a few photos of that in the video :D), and all the wonderful moments we experienced together as 311'09. Then we had the class awards thing, denise made little fluffy ball ball keychain thingthings to give out as the awards, haha it was quite interesting lah haha mr lee and yang were being very amused and amusing lol.
Apparently I was dubbed as 'most selfless' omg, (so honoured ><) and after that I was thinking, to achieve real selflessness I really something. And I don't think anybody can actually achieve that in their life, no matter how one tries. After all, trying to achieve selflessness is in fact trying to acquire something for oneself, and that doesn't sound like selflessness to me? [This reminds me of some facebook status convo thing with mr xu who typed out this paragraph about selflessness (I think) while commenting on my status.] If even those huge somebodies can't exactly achieve total selflessness, let alone a little tiny person like me. Ah well enough rambling. 311 sat down on the floor in a circle and I got sabo-ed by rachelT and tanxinyuan to start off the 'thing'. mr lee and mr yang sat in with us and muahaha now 311 knows they fell asleep in math lessons too. But, yes, class talk was .. touching. We went in a circle, and everyone said something to the class from their heart, about things we had to work on as a class, about how we all looked at the namelist on 2nd Jan 2009 and didn't expect much from 311'09 but yet were proven very wrong. And about how everything turned out great or not-so-great in the end, but we all had fun and the love we shared was enough to make up for the losses in points or whatever it was.
I said pretty much what I wanted to say, but here's more.
I've never felt as much for another class as I have loved 311.
In the words of mr lee, we are notorious and we do things in a particularly unique way, and sometimes (or most of the time? :D) we end up screwing things up, but what I really love our class for is the way we do things together for the fun, and not for the prize/glory/recognition. We can go unnoticed and not acknowledged at all, but deep inside we feel the pride and the immense happiness and to us that's enough (:
Hahaha yesterday was just so touching that 311 could have flooded with everyone's tears seriously.
And we'd be again notorious for that.
oh and apparently i remind mr lee of 包青天 (justice BAO -.-), which i find quite amusing.
And I almost forgot, our yellow submarine got used for farewell assembly (: when it got brought up onstage 311 stood up and clapped and hoooted madly like lunatics and of course nobody other than the sec3s and mr lee and yang knew what we were up to, goodness gracious, but whatever it was gratifying (:
I'm thankful for the fact that we have 2010 to spend together again, and at the same time I really hope mr lee and yang can join us too...
ahh on a side note, thank you mr lee for the concern and i really shouldn't have cried in front of you grawr. oh and i really want to say that you've been an awesome ft and i think everyone would agree that when you said 311's a class that's hard to not love we were probably thinking that mr lee and mr yang are fts that are hard to not love :D of course in the correct way. so yes thank you so much mr lee. and mr yang. (:
and on another side note thank you mr xu for cheering me up on that morning (:
I'm just happy that I have things in life to be happy about.
(that sounded like an interesting sentence.)
I love you 311 (:
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I shall start thanking the teachers first (:
Because I have a whole long list of people to thank, and I think those who make the tea are actually very very very important so…
MR TJLEE: Thank you for being an awesome and inspiring FT of 311, forever entertaining us with your antics and “interesting stories” :D we’re so lucky to have you as our FT because really, you’ve been super patient, understanding and caring towards us, and as everyone would agree, FATHERLEE (: 311 without you (or mr yang) is incomplete, so I really really really hope you’d be our FT again next year to end off our last year in rg with a bang ): Thank you for the very insightful SS lessons, I have learnt a lot from them and I’m sure the rest have as well! And yes, thank you for showing so much concern, especially during class party on Friday when I was not being very okay. I think you asked me whether I was okay at least 3 times.. so uh yes I think I’m okay and thank you very very much mr lee (:
MR YANG: Thank you for being such a great CLET and math teacher, I never had a math teacher who would write out the solutions and explain so thoroughly in class, and you’d even walk around to make sure everyone knew what you were talking about, thank you so much. I think I speak for everyone when I say that your ego-ness is extremely amusing, and the many moments in math/CLE will be remembered (: I hope you’d be our CLET again next year together with mr lee yes and also because 311 would also be incomplete without you. Oh and thank you for turning up for class outing and –cough- helping with jumpshots :D
MR XU: Thank you for your super intellectual ‘counselling sessions’ that come in the form of facebook status comments/convos, you have always provided the shallow me with much insight :D and be honoured (haha I remember this from fb.) because you have helped me a lot. so thanks for caring so much when we are being emo and always trying to help, it is very very much appreciated (: and oh yeah thank you for interesting mep lessons and extremely concise notes :D and teaching us economics and semantics in mep hahaha.
MR NG: Thank you my violin teacher for all those insightful and inspiring lessons, I learnt a lot from you in that short span of time (: and I think it’s very amusing that my results came very close to your birthday, but I think that’s a happy coincidence because I am happy with my marks (: thank you for your patience even when I didn’t practice much until a week before the exam, and I wouldn’t have done it without your help. Sorry I couldn’t attend your concert the last time, the next time I’ll definitely try my very very best to go and support (:
MS LEE: Thank you for the very very insightful lit lessons, even though sometimes I don’t get the points until very much later, I always like the feeling of understanding what you say because what you say is always very deep and meaningful (: I will definitely strive to improve my lit, and thank you for helping me achieve a 3.6 (:
MS K TAN: Thank you ms tan for your super interesting English lessons haha, DJ voice (: you always try your very best to make the lesson enjoyable, and I think everyone in my English class would agree that you have succeeded so much :D thank you for always being so encouraging and motivating (:
DR SLATTER: Thank you for your very very amusing chem ra lessons, snakes and ladders for mole concept and redox? Haha that was downright hilarious, and very fun too :D thank you for always making chem lessons so interesting in many ways!
MS M TAN: Thank you for being a very inspiring teacher, very strict but nevertheless caring and thoughtful. Your lessons have been amusing at times too (: Chem RAs wish you all the best in your endeavours :D
MRS PRAMA: Thank you for enduring all of 311’s nonsense, including our filthy classroom. Thank you for being so patient with us even when we don’t understand a single word of biology that you’re saying at times, you always took time to explain tough concepts to help us grasp them (:
MS NING: Thank you for making physics lessons bearable, because I really didn’t like physics very much, but you have helped me see some interesting parts about physics I’d never seen before, so thank you for all the super animated lessons which consist of you jumping around (:
LILAOSHI: Thank you for all your patience with 311 even when we don’t bring our textbks or don’t complete our work on time ): you have made Chinese lessons interesting as well, and things like gonghan become less dry under you somehow (:
I'm done with my super long post, and I now feel very accomplished and warm and fuzzy inside (:
#399
pohginteng just reminded me that farewell assembly was on friday.
oh wow.
haha, I'm gonna be sec4? whaaaattttt??
???????????!!!!!!!!!????????????!!!!!!!!!!!!!
okay enough hyperventilating.
I was just reading my previous posts, the posts that were reflecting on the year and its happenings, and something in there gives me a great satisfaction to have been through this much. True, it has been thoroughly tiring and trying, and many times I really wanted to give up, so I really want to thank everyone who has been my emotional (or even physical omg) pillar in one way or another, Thank God For You. You're damn important to me you know. (well, now you know.)
Currently in love with Amigos Para Siempre (: It's such a sweet and touching song, makes people want to sing along :D Heard it a few times and never managed to get the title, heard it again today for arts fest rehearsal of the finale item, and eventually got the title from vivianjiemei (:
I don't have to say
A word to you
You seem to know
Whatever mood
I'm going through
Feels as though
I've known you forever
You
Can look into my eyes and see
The way I feel
And how
The world is treating me
Maybe I have known you forever
Amigos para siempre
Means you'll always be my friend
Amics per sempre
Means a love that cannot end
Friends for life
Not just a summer or a spring
Amigos para siempre
I feel you near me
Even when we are apart
Just knowing you are in this world
Can warm my heart
Friends for life
Not just a summer or a spring
Amigos para siempre
We share memories
I won't forget
And we'll share more,
My friend,
We haven't started yet
Something happens
When we're together
When
I look at you
I wonder why
There has to come
A time when we must say goodbye
I'm alive when we are together
Amigos para siempre
Means you'll always be my friend
Amics per sempre
Means a love that cannot end
Friends for life
Not just a summer or a spring
Amigos para siempre
I feel you near me
Even when we are apart
Just knowing you are in this world
Can warm my heart
Friends for life
Not just a summer or a spring
Amigos para siempre
When
I look at you
I wonder why
There has to come
A time when we must say goodbye
I'm alive when we are together
Amigos para siempre
Means you'll always be my friend
Amics per sempre
Means a love that cannot end
Friends for life
Not just a summer or a spring
Amigos para siempre
I feel you near me
Even when we are apart
Just knowing you are in this world
Can warm my heart
Friends for life
Not just a summer or a spring
Amigos para siempre
Amigos para siempre
Means you'll always be my friend
Amics per sempre
Means a love that cannot end
Friends for life
Not just a summer or a spring
Amigos para siempre
Amigos para siempre
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XIANYUE PEOPLE!
go for chalet on 21-23 dec at costa sands resort (downtown east). tell me your attendance okay yeah man so eggciting! :D
edit/haha btw dengyue I updated twice already lor! xD
#398
We might not have won anything, we might not have been the best, we might not have wow-ed the crowd, we might not have gotten the loudest applause,
But we put in the effort, the time, the love,
and I think in the end that's what matters (:
Happy early birthday 311'09, you are a class of a kind.
Love you guys, and thank goodness we have another year together.
AWESOME! (:
uhoh, it's november. Hahaha. Dread the end of school, always spells working day and night, busier days than before.